eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
