I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
