ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
