i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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