my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
