I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
