did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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