apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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