she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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