i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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