my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
