i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
PANTIES FOUND
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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