HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
