my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
