Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
