Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
