Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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