I want to have your abortion
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
