he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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