You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
