Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
