"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
