Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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