Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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