Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
