The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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