if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
