took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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