so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
