Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
