i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
