All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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