He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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