Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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