Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
