I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
