I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
