Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sarcasm needs its own font
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
