her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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