i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
