I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
