So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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