I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
