I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
