She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
