so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
