i don't plan on having that self control this summer
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
