I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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