I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
