that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
