based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
