Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wish there were birth control emojis
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
