I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
