Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
