Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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