Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
