i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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