I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
