I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
