Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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