oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is my gift to your gina
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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