Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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