he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize