She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
