What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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