I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize