Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
