I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
