I want to walk on stilts...naked
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
