yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
