Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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