Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
