Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
