why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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