Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
