Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
