I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's never too late to be topless.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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