I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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