So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
