did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
