...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
