Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
