im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
