wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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