Sry I called you an 8
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
