Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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