You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
