There was a lot of him and a little penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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