If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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