I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize