I just pynch a tree in the face
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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