Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
