dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
