I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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