When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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