I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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