i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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