Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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