Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
